So the world’s tallest woman, Sandy Allen, died this morning, thus paving the way for my best friend Tori to take the title. Coincidentally, Allen lived in the same nursing home as the world’s oldest woman, Edna Parker. Parker’s husband, Earl, passed away in 1939, nearly 70 years ago.

This brings me to my main question.

Has Edna Parker had sex in the past 70 years? I may be a journalist (and therefore terrible in all things number-related), but I know 70 years is a damn long time for anything. Furthermore, if there was a Guinness record for going the longest without sex (obviously nuns, priests, monks and all those other abstinent folk are out), I think Edna Parker would easily snag that one.

What do you think, friends?